Ask Jane!

Who is Jane?

"Jane" is The Dragon's resident expert in all things middle school. The following requests for advice were produced by actual MMS students, but their names have been changed to protect the innocent. If you issue to submit a problem or question to Jane, feel free to get an "Ask Jane" form from your English teacher or print off the attached form, fill it out, and drop it in Mr. Sorensen's or Ms. Warren's mailbox.

Ask Jane Column for Issue #5, June 18th, 2007

Dear Jane,

I saw somebody steal a $100 bill from my teacher's desk and then eat it. I don't know what to do because they are my best friend and their ostrich farm just got a serious case of a deadly disease.

- Stuck

Dear Stuck,

You should definitely tell the teacher what you saw. I'm sure your teacher will keep your name out of the conversation that he or she has with the student that stole the money. As for the ostrich farm, there isn't much you can do but just be there for your friend and you could ask to help out on the farm if you really feel the need. But I'm sure your friend will be grateful if you offer.

Jane

 

Dear Jane

I'm obsessed with finding out who you are. It's driving me crazy. My friends say it's probably somebody obvious like Taryn Bergin or Erin Aoyama but I don't believe them. Also my teacher squeaks. What's your name?

- A squeaked out student

Dear Squeaked,

I'm sorry but I can't tell you who I am, but I can tell you that if you ever feel completely helpless, you should definitely get some help. As for the squeaking teacher you can't really do anything, but it is the end of the year so you will have 3 months without them and most likely you won't have them again next year.

Jane

 

Dear Jane,

Okay seriously. I wrote to you earlier. My locker buddy is still bullying me. She also has these weird things on her neck that are probably a disease. How do I tell her?

- Concerned Victim

Dear Concerned,

Have you talked to her yet? I bet you haven't and now it is too late. The disease is not really your problem and if you keep pointing it out it will make her self conscious and mad. I'm sure she knows about.

Jane

 

Dear Jane,

I have an awesome hamster named Homer. He is amazing and I love him, but my girlfriend says I have to choose between her and Homer. I don't know why because I spend equal amounts of time with both of them. What so I do?!?!

- Torn by a rodent

Dear Torn,

Well I think you know what my answer is… if your girlfriend really wants you to choose that means that she feels threatened by a hamster and that is just sad. And also if she really loved you, you shouldn't have to choose. Do what you think is right but think about who really has your best interest in mind.

Jane

 

"Ask Jane" Archives

Issue #1, October 30th, 2006
Issue #2, December 6th, 2006