Spotlight: The Dragon's Tale
By Toby S., Purple Team

Have you ever read a book about dragons? How did the author describe the dragons? If it was something like vicious, man-eating, fire breathing, horrible creatures, then I am not surprised. There will always be phony baloney like that in this misconceiving world. Hello, I am D. Dragon. Just call me Dragon, as that is what I am rudely called by every fearful and stubborn villager that lays eyes on me. I am clueless as to why we dragons have gotten such a bad reputation, because it is completely insane! We aren't as bad as those stuck-up kings and knights make us sound. Sure, there was that one time with those nincompoop scouts, but hey, they were the ones who threw a spear at me when I offered them some tea! They did make a good snack though. Oh yeah, and that dimwitted Girl Scout who gave me the wrong kind of cookies. I had specifically ordered one box of chocolate cookies, and she gave me two boxes of sugar cookies. Not to mention that they were filled with laxatives. Anyways, moving on. Now I am stuck in a huge mess, in all kinds of trouble because of a stupid mishap.

So there I was all alone in my gloomy cave, in a dreadful mood. I had gone through a very bad day, twenty-four hours filled with sadness and misery. My bad luck started as soon as I woke up. My neck was sore, and I bumped my head against a hard rock, which resulted in a bad headache. Then, I burned the toast I had for breakfast, and trust me, I am one picky eater. Next, I tried to calm down on a walk through the mountain forest, which turned out not to be such a great idea. I stepped on another wretched spear, and Robin Hood decided to use me as a target for aiming practice! His aim was spectacular, and he could have hit any scale on my body from miles away, but the pain that surged through my body from head to tail was terrible. For the grand finale, my girlfriend Jade dumped me while we were having dinner. That really broke my fragile heart. Not surprisingly, she came up with a pathetic excuse, “It's not you, it's me.” Yeah, we have all heard that one before. Psssh! Then some lady came waltzing down the path all happy-go-lucky, and so I plucked her right off her feet. I amused myself by tossing her around, and making her scream by pretending I was going to eat her. After a while I got bored, so I flicked her away and said, “Shoo!” That was when all the trouble started.

Turns out that the woman I picked up was King Arthur's wife. Very fortunate, since King Arthur is the most powerful and pig-headed ruler of them all. Next day, at four o'clock in the morning I may add, Sir Lamealot or whatever his name is, blows a war horn right in my extremely sensitive ear! However, the war horn didn't just make the regular loud noise. Instead, it sounded like a cross between a constipated howler monkey shriek and an out of tune flute. Talk about rude! I pretended that I didn't hear and tried to fall asleep again, but what do you know! He plants a painful kick on my nose. I could feel a drop of blood as it trickled into my mouth. I reluctantly sat up, and for an entire hour listened to a boring letter from King Arthur, filled with threats and foul language. In the end, I got impatient, and torched the hairs right off his shaggy buttocks. Serves him good. He ran off hollering like a monkey, so I started breakfast.

Just as I was about to tuck into my last few pieces of juicy bacon, the delicious aroma making my stomach growl for more, I hear that annoying war horn again. I stepped out of the cave, very angry that I had to leave those great pieces of bacon untouched on the plate, to see my uninvited, impolite guests. There stood King Arthur, looking fairly angry himself, and a dozen other knights, pulling two catapults. Since I am polite, I started to say, “Come in.” Sadly I only got to “Co-” before the catapult fired some piece of flaming gunk right into my open mouth! It felt like my entire mouth was caught in the middle of a huge forest fire. I spit it out, but instead of burning all of them to ashes, I attempted to say, “Hello, can I help you?” Once again though, I wasn't able to finish my sentence, and only managed to get “Hello, ca-” Boom! The second catapult launched a rock that hit me painfully in the eye. Temporarily blinded, the knights managed to chain my arms and legs together, and stuff me in a net. They dragged me down the mountain back to the castle where I was immediately cast into the dungeon. Was there a fair trial? Forget about it.

Soon enough, the journalists managed to work their lying magic, and made up a 100% fake story that told of a ‘two hour long fiery, ugly battle in which King Arthur and his heroic knights single-handedly fought and captured a blood thirsty dragon.' Now, I don't want you to come and rescue me yourself, but put in a good word for poor innocent D. Dragon.

Editor's Note: We at The Dragon are very sympathetic to D. Dragon's plight. Therefore, we dedicate our first issue to this majestic creature.