The Random Life
NEIRAD enilno edition
Load printer friendly version
We’ve all seen those movies: one clique has a rivalry with another clique, a member of clique A gets into a fight with a member of clique B, and they duke it out, battle-royal style, in the cafeteria one day. Insults are thrown, kids stand on tables to get a better look. Teachers stand by, aware of the fact that they should wield some authority but, at the same time, are too caught up in the moment to intervene. These warring clique members are usually female, and some epic stomping of the yard usually goes down. The result of such a confrontation is always that one side exchanges victorious high fives and fist-bumps and the losing side throws dirty looks at everyone watching before making some supreme exit from the cafeteria.
I have always wanted to have one of these fantastic battles.
I don’t go out of my way to make enemies, but lately I’ve been secretly hoping that someone around here hates my guts enough to have a showdown with me. It will happen right in front of the English Learning Connections room. I’ll be walking down the hall and will mistakenly walk right into my nemesis. In slow motion, one of us will drop whatever it is we’re carrying, probably books. We will look eachother straight in the eyes before throwing down our bags and kicking them to the side of the hall. Phrases like “you wanna go?” and “let’s do this!” will be exchanged and we eventually will find ourselves at opposite sides of the hall, fists clenched and jaws tight.
Corny dialogue is key. I’m hoping that one of us will say “whatcha gonna do?” and the other will reply “take you DOWN!” or something, which will prompt a “yeah? You and what army?” from the other side. Then, out of nowhere, our respective friend groups will show up and crowd around us. The battle will be paused for handshakes and greetings and will resume with eventual growls and catcalls from both sides. Finally, we will both start yelling and run at eachother, winding up our hands and fists for smacking and punching. And time will freeze as we all see the superintendent of schools marching down the hall toward us. Eyes will widen. Children will scatter. My enemy and I will suddenly forget our differences and embrace as the man with the power to announce snow days passes, and we will walk together to class, swapping gossip and beauty tips.
