Surviving the Extraction

More by Michael Coe"

- 12/11

Warning: This article contains graphic descriptions pertaining to blood.

Afew months ago, my dentist informed me that I would have to get my wisdom teeth removed. The prospect filled me with immediate anxiety. I had plenty of friends who had gotten their wisdom teeth removed, and not one of them had a very pleasant experience. Grisly tales of cheeks swollen to the size of cantaloupes, fountains of blood cascading down the mouth, and unbearable pain were all that I had ever heard of, so naturally I wasn’t exactly “happy” about needing the procedure. But I had no choice in the matter so I got all four of them removed. If you’re anything like me, and are going to get your wisdom teeth extracted, you probably are filled with apprehension and fear much like I was. So, in an attempt to help mollify your anxiousness, I’ll tell my tale of a typical wisdom tooth extraction (which, by the way, was not the horror-scape that it’s made out to be).

Part 1- The Surgery:

I arrived at the oral surgeon’s office at 8 o’ clock in the morning, tired, and scared. Sure I was collected on the outside, but as the blood pressure test would show, my heart was definitely pounding. And why not? Anytime I had mentioned to someone that I was going to get my wisdom teeth taken out I was usually met with a grimace and a drawn out, “ooh…that suuuuucks”. It seemed as though I was soon going to be diving head first into the proverbial empty swimming pool of “pain.” Plus, I had never been sedated before. That prospect kind of freaked me out a bit as well, mostly given the fact that I had no idea what it would feel like. But what could I do at that point? So, I reclined back in the chair, IV now stuck in my arm, and waited anxiously to go under.

Let me tell you something about sedation: it’s crazy. I remember sitting in the surgeon’s chair and thinking, “Am I supposed to be getting sleepy?” and the next thing I knew I was awake. It felt like an hour of my life had completely vanished into thin air. The best way to describe the ordeal would be this: imagine blinking, only when you open your eyes your mouth is numb and you’re completely loopy and groggy. I hardly remember the first few minutes of consciousness afterwards, but I do recall being quite out of it. Based on the recollections of the nurses and my mom, I was rambling strangely for at least 15 minutes after waking up. Apparently, I sang along to Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain” (badly no doubt, as my mouth was completely numb from the Novocain), mimed some weight lifting after the surgeon said I had a strong jaw, and ranted angrily about how much I hated the Goo Goo Dolls when “Iris” came on the room’s radio. A heads up to those who get wisdom tooth surgery, after the procedure you will undoubtedly be at your wackiest and most unhinged.

Part 2- The Return Home-

I started to regain a modicum of sanity in the car. I realized that my mouth was numb from the Novocain, and that I was bleeding a lot, although there was very little pain. I also began to complain to my mom that my mouth was, “dwy” and that I was, “hungwy”, so when we got home I had some pudding before I took the painkillers. That was pretty much a disaster; my mouth was basically paralyzed from the numbness so I ended drooling a lot of blood and chocolate pudding onto myself. Still, I got enough down so that I wouldn’t be popping Vicodin on an empty stomach.

One thing that should be known about the post-surgery condition, there will be a lot of blood. And I mean a lot. I bled for a solid 3-4 hours pretty heavily, and it wasn’t exactly pretty. I did have some fun grinning at myself in the mirror with bloody teeth and looking like a psycho, but the novelty of it wore of pretty quickly and then it was just gross. It also didn’t help that I couldn’t feel my tongue or my lower jaw, so I could barely talk, eat, swallow, or spit. Still, I was relieved that the pain wasn’t that bad, and I was extremely fortunate to be experiencing very little swelling. That was a great relief, because I’ve heard plenty of horror stories about the massive week-long cheek swelling that follows wisdom tooth removal. I can’t guarantee that you won’t be swollen after the surgery, but with some luck, some anti-swelling meds, and the application of an ice-pack, hopefully you can avoid looking like an inflated Alfred Hitchcock/chipmunk.

I passed the rest of the day lazily, popping painkillers and watching movies. The Vicodin was effective if not a tad disappointing (I’d never been on painkillers before, and was sort of secretly hoping that I’d be passing the weekend in some sort of morphine-style pleasure-stupor, but it wasn’t really like that at all). The surgery left me pretty tired and my inability to really eat anything rendered me too weak to walk around or really move at all. Aside from a brief visit from kind seniors Charlie Baird and Eli Converse, the day was pretty much uneventful, and consisted of watching “Best in Show” and nodding off.

Part 3- The Recovery Days-

The next day, I was blood free and just a tad sore, as the Novocain had worn off. But I was still in minimal pain and was barely swollen. I was able to eat some soft foods, mostly soups and some mashed potatoes. By the end of the day, I was feeling fine, and was chipper enough to head out and catch “Dracula” (fantastic show by the way, well done as usual Theater 308). I did learn something that night however: even if you think you’re feeling good, maybe don’t skip the painkillers. I was pretty sore by the end of the night, and as my friends can attest, was in a bit of a bad mood.
The next day, I was even less sore, and could eat more food, including some soft bread. While not all the way back to normal, I was certainly feeling better.

Part 4- What I Learned

So what did I take away from the experience? Well, it wasn’t as miserable as people may have you believe. No the surgery wasn’t a party, but it was hardly “Marathon Man.” Of course, there will be blood, there will be pain, and you will feel a bit loopy. But as long as you rest up, take your pills, and get plenty of sleep, you should be fine. So to those who are getting their wisdom teeth removed remember this: you’re not alone, it won’t kill you (hopefully), be prepared, but don’t be scared.